Valkyrie

This game was created as part of a class assignment, and I suppose the authors must not have had much exposure, if any, to interactive fiction prior to this outing. Honestly, it's not very good. However, this being apparently a class assignment, one presumes that the goal is improvement; and for that, honest feedback is required.

The game branches out three ways at the very first screen. As others have noted, the difference in quality between the three branches suggests different authors in each; and I would guess that the first screen was written by the author of the "swordswomen" branch.

In terms of structure and mechanics, the game is not much to speak about. It's basically a Choose-Your-Own-Adventure, and I do not think that a lot of thought went into structuring it. That's fair enough for the authors' purposes, I suppose, if the focus was meant to be on the writing rather than on the game design.

As for the writing: there are too many little annoyances to list them all. The "thief" branch seems the least offensive, though its brevity borders on utilitarianism. The "wizardess" branch suffers from a lack of paragraphing. The "swordswomen" branch ... I've seen this sort of writing all too often, all over fanfiction.net. It is a style that lacks maturity.

Authors: The best advice I can give with regards to improving one's writing is to read as extensively as possible, and, just as importantly, to admire the prose as you read. There are people who spend every minute of their time reading but who couldn't string two words together, because they never stop to consider what they're reading and why it works. Ask yourself what makes a certain paragraph easy to read, or what makes it amusing, or what sort of impression it is trying to create. Pay attention to word choices. Don't be blinded by a magnificent plot -- that is a completely different matter, an important one but not what you're looking for right now. Look for authors who can keep people entertained for pages on end without actually saying anything. I personally recommend Jane Austen and Anthony Trollope. Remember, what makes a good writer is not WHAT she writes about, but HOW she writes about it.

And practice. Sometimes things don't become apparent until you've tried to get it down on paper yourself.

Sugar-free sponge cake, soaked in milk, with a small dab of grape jelly (may not contain actual grapes) for flavour.