The Man Who Killed Time

This thing is in serious need of an editor, to discern what qualifies as valuable or relevant information from the chaff. It opens with far too much text about vagaries too inexplicable to hold my interest. And it goes on ... the text-to-interaction ration is much, much too high.

It also appears that we're a private detective who got a case and then proceeded to end the story without even looking at it.

Okay, so maybe it's not the detective story that it seems to be setting out to be. It's a story about someone for whom ordinary sequential time either no longer works, or no longer has any meaning. If so, then what are we trying to do here? All the present-day actions, the ones that we as players actually dictate, seem to reflect back onto this, but that means we're actually being told a story incidental to our actions, rather than participating in a story. This can work in some cases, but this is not one of them: the focus on the present-day action leads us to think that yes, this is a detective story, and to treat our hero's relationship with time as backstory rather than story. So when the case, the nominal focus of the game, gets tossed aside willy-nilly, we feel cheated.

The premise is interesting, but the handling needs work. I think that the author needs to think more about the story they want to build out of this premise, and how to make the player a part of it.

Breakfast is eggs. Raw eggs, still in their shells. We haven't decided yet what to do with them. And a mug of black coffee, not quite full.